01.29.11

"It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness." 
Lucius Annaeus Seneca


greetings. i know it has been awhile since i have literally... exhaled. so much has been going on, i honestly don't even know where to begin. yet, here i am attempting to write the unwritable. my life. 


im in starbucks. people watching. i find people watching extremely therapeutic. honestly, i would love to do a study to find out a correlation between how many people come in coffee shops and achieve greatness. however, you would then have to define greatness. i believe that many people come into coffee shops sit---enticed by the constant aroma of fresh grains, original pastries and finally the life altering decision of a tall/grande or venti, soy or skinny. in addition to their cup of brew, the inspiration of endless coffee drinkers coming and going. after they have received their caffeine and inspiration they  leave in the pursuit of greatness. 


i find myself on this mission to discover how to tap into my greatness. i mean i am not confused or unclear as to if i will be great. there is no doubt that i will be great. however, the journey to get there often seems so blurred. there are so many things i am passionate and curious about but i question if my passions and curiosity will lead me in the direction of greatness. nonetheless, the great thing about God is that he never leaves me searching alone. so through all of my questions and phases of ambiguity he is constantly there reassuring me that he has a plan for me and that everything is working together for my good. man, that's so wonderful! 


i'm noticing so much difference in myself. i have been forced to look at a huge, glaring mirror and reflect on the things that i need  have to change in order to achieve greatness. forgiveness, criticism, different opinions, love, consistency. just to name a few. the funny thing is that, although i am in a hurry, i'm in no rush. "to make haste slowly." i know that is totally an oxymoron, but think about it. 


this is not to say im not choosing to move in a slothful or lackadaisical manner, all the same i am taking my time in reaching my peak. i want to learn every lesson. i want to digest every mishap. eradicating all fear and doubt. i want to be fearless and unstoppable. i want to be carefree and lighthearted. i want it all. and who says i can't have it? true greatness takes time, patience, skill, practice, mistakes, failures and everything in-between. see i've realized, this isn't a race, it's totally a marathon. 


Roberta


"I always knew I was destined for greatness."- Oprah Winfrey 

01.9.10

   

good evening and happy new year to all. there has been so much going on i feel so sad that i have not blogged in awhile. i gotta do better in the new year. there is so much i want to say in this one post. much has been going on in my world. so i guess i will work backwards. recently i was talking to one of my girlfriends about relationships. we were discussing how our generation has absolutely lost site of developing a wholesome, balanced and healthy relationships. is it really unrealistic to admire the 'huxtable' relationship? is that really such a far fetched example of what a partnership should look like? if so, why?

aside from the real life relationships (i.e. my parents) i was surrounded by, growing up watching claire & cliff huxtable gave me another portal to view what a functional and stable african-american couple looked like. not only did they have education and excellent parenting skills, they respected, supported, enjoyed and loved each other. this millennial era does not grasp this at all? as i listen to old timers tell of stories of when men use to really pursue and court women, open doors for them, anticipate marriage it saddens me that we live in a world where those things have completely lost there importance. 

the other day i was on the train and recognized some high school kids sitting not to far from me. it was three boy and two girls. as i set there and observed their behavior and conversation i noticed how disrespectful the young men were to the young ladies. i don't know what they were talking about specifically but all i know is that one of the young men turned to one of the young ladies and yelled, "yo, ho hurry up." instantly i was offended, and i felt disrespected. like what? is this is the example that has been set, the example that validates our young men to address young ladies in such a manner? 

ultimately, i just find myself frustrated and disappointed that as a generation we would rather shack up and enjoy the luxuries of being in a lifelong partnership as opposed to really committing. and what is more  calamitous is that despite the real role models lacking in society there aren't even fictional role models such as the huxtables for young men & and women to admire. 

so my girlfriend and i ended our conversation (after a couple of hours) with no real solution. what is to become of this generation. the divorce rate is constantly rising simply because there is such a lack of suitable and adequate role models both in homes and society for young african american men & woman to look up to. i find this extremely problematic and what's worse is that there is no real solution. 

12.15.10

good evening. as i glanced at my calendar today i realized i have less than 1 day before i get to go home, after internalizing that wonderful thought, i instantly became excited. if you haven't noticed. i am over the moon about going home on friday!!! it is a much needed stress reliever. today was a frustrating day at work. yet, i got through it. and ironically after the work day had concluded i begin to think about how much i have been blessed. i was walking down broad street and a strong sense of thankfulness and peace came over me. it was so unreal. i knew it was God. i realized that even through my sulking and melancholy attitude i have sooo many things to be grateful for. after this "light bulb" moment, i developed a "thankful list". my "thankful list" consist of all of the wonderful things i have to be thankful for. such as; my parents, my job, my life, friends, family, health, mental stability, education, a wonderful church home, peace of mind, activities of my limbs and on and on and on. and whenever i have a "relapse" i can just pull out my "thankful list"to give me a visual reminder of just how good God has been. i figured that as i add to my list this will internally and externally turn my attitude and state of being around. 


so, even though i am sitting in my house right now with NO HEAT (my stupid heat is broken)...and it is literally 2 BELOW outside right now...and i have on 10 layers of clothes (seriously)...i am still able to be thankful that i have a home. a home where i pay all the bills. a home that i come to everyday. my home....i'm not gonna lie i'm still a little pissed that i don't have any heat though. lol. everyday it seems to be a different struggle. a different trial. there are times where i honestly want to scream, "HOW DID I GET HERE. WHY AM I HERE?" but i know i serve a God that sits high & looks low and he has predestined everything in my life. i don't ever have to worry. or fret. i know God sees and hears my cries & i know he cares. it doesn't always feel that way. but i have faith that there will be better days.


being able to go home, surrounded by people that love and genuinely care about me, gives me that extra boost of life that i need. honestly this trip home i really don't want to go out or do anything...i just want to enjoy my friends, family and church. that's all. oh and of course eat good food. i'm tired of making up dishes and pots of spaghetti to get me through the week. aside from my mothers phenomenal cooking i want some Houston's, Peach Tree, Gates and all my other KC spots. In the words of Dorothy, "there is no place like home." couldn't have said it better. 

12.12.10

greetings. do not be alarmed by the image above. just continue reading. today reminded me how much i miss my home church in kansas city. it seriously bothers me that it has been such a difficult task in locating a solid church that has everything i am looking for. coming from a church that has such a strong balance of what i need to spiritually grow, to going to churches that are lacking what i need in so many areas is very annoying. i have been criticized for being to "nit-picky" however i beg to differ. i just know what i want. i know God is going to put me in a ministry where i am really able to grow and add to the body of Christ. the waiting process is just so unpleasant. anyways... after church this morning i made an amazing brunch. i have turned into quite the little chef, if i must say so myself. my mouth watering menu included but was not limited to, cheese eggs, potatoes, bacon fresh fruit and a hot cup of teavana tea http://www.teavana.com/. this tea is by far the most amazing tea i have ever sipped. if you know me, you know how much i love tea. it is something about the rich & calming flavor that is amazingly soothing, plus i love the rock sugar. it is so fantastic & makes the tea jusssst right. after my amazing brunch, i started watching a classic black woman's movie , waiting to exhale. i feel like no matter how many times i watch this movie the famous angela bassett scene always captures my attention the most. that scene is just sooo real & sooo common...well minus the blowing up of the car. this scene causes me to wonder, once the decision of marriage has been presented and put into play, how does a black woman maintain the balance of traditional "womanly duties", yet still adjust to this progressive, 21st century, "black girls rock" era? after watching this scene, i thought to myself, i would never want to be in a position where i had achieved so much in my life and once married it is exonerated and dismissed as insignificance. black women are raising the bar, they are internalizing the motto, "i came. i saw. i conquered", & adapting it as a lifestyle. so how did bernie (bassett's character) get to this point (note photo above)? one of the quotes that stood out to me the most is when bernie stampedes into a conference and starts popping off. she states, "who do you think started this d*** company, huh? and now, you think you can just take the money and run...?" through this quote i pose the question, as black women how do we 
continue to empower each other yet prevent our black men 
from feeling intimidated by us? what is the solution? can't we 
all just get a long? thoughts...

12.10.10

good evening. its Friday. whoooo....right? i remember a point in time when i use "think" i had my whole weekend planned. however, those plans were often dampened when my parents informed me that NONE of them were going to happen. i use to eagerly await a point and time when i could go out and paint the town red and do "whatever i wanted", or so i thought. yet, here i am eating home made spaghetti (which for the record...is ROCK'N like cut off stockings), drinking red pinot noir, listening to the nat king cole pandora station and blogging...on a friday night. hmmm...the irony, the irony. yet, despite what one would typically think, i am enjoying this evening. is that crazy? maybe a little, however i think i can be deemed a little crazy...just a little. a little crazy never hurt anyone. do you ever feel like when you are seriously growing that your desires, feelings and needs change. i no longer have a desire for certain things anymore. in my opinion, that is one of the most significant signs of change...when  you are able to recognize change in yourself. as 2010 winds down i can honestly say that i am not the same melody that i was this time last year. i have learned the art of forgiveness. the art of thankfulness. the art of love. now don't get confused i have NOT and i repeat NOT mastered any of them but i have definitely learned how to receive and give forgiveness, love and thanksgiving. furthermore, i am constantly making an effort to perfect these new skills i have learned. but its hard. its certainly a daily struggle. however, i believe that, what one does in the midst of a struggle defines ones true character. i would say i have pretty strong character. 

12.09.10

greetings. today was a day that started off like any other day. then i looked at my bank account and got so blown. i seriously don't understand how my money goes so quickly. my budgeting skills are next to immaculate, i haven't gone shopping (for pleasure) in...i don't even know how long, my fridge looks more bare than a white girl on spring break, i have designated times i turn my heat on, i sensor how many lights are on in my crib...yet all of this and i still find my bills constantly rising. its so frustrating. i am seriously contemplating acquiring a second job for the weekends. b/c what is going on now...just isn't quite cutting it. don't get me wrong. i am not eating government cheese and Ramen noodles for dinner (however i do still enjoy the Beef flavor Ramen noodles). i just hate the adjustment. i mean, prior too this whole new life i never had to worry about certain things because i knew that for whatever reason i would be taken care of. now...post May 2010 everything is my responsibility. well. i guess that's all a part of it. it's gotten to a point where, now i don't even get a drink anymore with meals. i always rationalize by saying, "i don't need a drink. i can get water for free." this is sad. 

the beginning 12.08.10

so. i was very nervous to begin this process. yet, here i am. before we begin i just want do a little "house-keeping". a.) i HATE (most) punctuation. i just want to put it out there. i hate it & i'm not afraid to admit it. i see it as such a conformist concept. but its totally fine if you are a conformist, just be a aware. clearly, i'm not. in more ways than one. nevertheless, i sincerely enjoy writing. so if you are one of those people that are easily annoyed when you notice that there is a comma splice or a missing semi-colon or something a long those lines then this blog is not for you. b.) i love randomness. random jokes. random questions. random ideas. random thoughts. random road trips. random food. randomness. soooo now that we have that out of the way. i guess i should introduce myself and the objective of this blogging business. hmm...where should i begin. well i'm not going to bore you with all of my childhood past-times but for the record i did have an AMAZING childhood. like it totally rocked. fast-forwarding 20 something years later. all the introduction that is necessary is letting you know where i am now...which is in the middle of the beginning of my "transition". i know that sounded like it didn't make sense. but it did.  i have recently graduated from Temple University. i have completed my course with a fine GPA, good health, no missing limbs, life long friends, maintained liver and an unforgettable college experience. yet, i am just now getting to a point in my life where i feel like i am really beginning to grow. however the transition between collegiate life and "adult life" has been every bit of scary, intimidating, unyielding, overwhelming, lonely, ambiguous and everything else in between. i have heard all this hoop-la about the wonders of blogging. sooo i figured i would explore the land. hello my friends.