good evening. as i glanced at my calendar today i realized i have less than 1 day before i get to go home, after internalizing that wonderful thought, i instantly became excited. if you haven't noticed. i am over the moon about going home on friday!!! it is a much needed stress reliever. today was a frustrating day at work. yet, i got through it. and ironically after the work day had concluded i begin to think about how much i have been blessed. i was walking down broad street and a strong sense of thankfulness and peace came over me. it was so unreal. i knew it was God. i realized that even through my sulking and melancholy attitude i have sooo many things to be grateful for. after this "light bulb" moment, i developed a "thankful list". my "thankful list" consist of all of the wonderful things i have to be thankful for. such as; my parents, my job, my life, friends, family, health, mental stability, education, a wonderful church home, peace of mind, activities of my limbs and on and on and on. and whenever i have a "relapse" i can just pull out my "thankful list"to give me a visual reminder of just how good God has been. i figured that as i add to my list this will internally and externally turn my attitude and state of being around.
so, even though i am sitting in my house right now with NO HEAT (my stupid heat is broken)...and it is literally 2 BELOW outside right now...and i have on 10 layers of clothes (seriously)...i am still able to be thankful that i have a home. a home where i pay all the bills. a home that i come to everyday. my home....i'm not gonna lie i'm still a little pissed that i don't have any heat though. lol. everyday it seems to be a different struggle. a different trial. there are times where i honestly want to scream, "HOW DID I GET HERE. WHY AM I HERE?" but i know i serve a God that sits high & looks low and he has predestined everything in my life. i don't ever have to worry. or fret. i know God sees and hears my cries & i know he cares. it doesn't always feel that way. but i have faith that there will be better days.
being able to go home, surrounded by people that love and genuinely care about me, gives me that extra boost of life that i need. honestly this trip home i really don't want to go out or do anything...i just want to enjoy my friends, family and church. that's all. oh and of course eat good food. i'm tired of making up dishes and pots of spaghetti to get me through the week. aside from my mothers phenomenal cooking i want some Houston's, Peach Tree, Gates and all my other KC spots. In the words of Dorothy, "there is no place like home." couldn't have said it better.
greetings. do not be alarmed by the image above. just continue reading. today reminded me how much i miss my home church in kansas city. it seriously bothers me that it has been such a difficult task in locating a solid church that has everything i am looking for. coming from a church that has such a strong balance of what i need to spiritually grow, to going to churches that are lacking what i need in so many areas is very annoying. i have been criticized for being to "nit-picky" however i beg to differ. i just know what i want. i know God is going to put me in a ministry where i am really able to grow and add to the body of Christ. the waiting process is just so unpleasant. anyways... after church this morning i made an amazing brunch. i have turned into quite the little chef, if i must say so myself. my mouth watering menu included but was not limited to, cheese eggs, potatoes, bacon fresh fruit and a hot cup of teavana tea http://www.teavana.com/. this tea is by far the most amazing tea i have ever sipped. if you know me, you know how much i love tea. it is something about the rich & calming flavor that is amazingly soothing, plus i love the rock sugar. it is so fantastic & makes the tea jusssst right. after my amazing brunch, i started watching a classic black woman's movie , waiting to exhale. i feel like no matter how many times i watch this movie the famous angela bassett scene always captures my attention the most. that scene is just sooo real & sooo common...well minus the blowing up of the car. this scene causes me to wonder, once the decision of marriage has been presented and put into play, how does a black woman maintain the balance of traditional "womanly duties", yet still adjust to this progressive, 21st century, "black girls rock" era? after watching this scene, i thought to myself, i would never want to be in a position where i had achieved so much in my life and once married it is exonerated and dismissed as insignificance. black women are raising the bar, they are internalizing the motto, "i came. i saw. i conquered", & adapting it as a lifestyle. so how did bernie (bassett's character) get to this point (note photo above)? one of the quotes that stood out to me the most is when bernie stampedes into a conference and starts popping off. she states, "who do you think started this d*** company, huh? and now, you think you can just take the money and run...?" through this quote i pose the question, as black women how do we
continue to empower each other yet prevent our black men
from feeling intimidated by us? what is the solution? can't we
all just get a long? thoughts...
good evening. its Friday. whoooo....right? i remember a point in time when i use "think" i had my whole weekend planned. however, those plans were often dampened when my parents informed me that NONE of them were going to happen. i use to eagerly await a point and time when i could go out and paint the town red and do "whatever i wanted", or so i thought. yet, here i am eating home made spaghetti (which for the record...is ROCK'N like cut off stockings), drinking red pinot noir, listening to the nat king cole pandora station and blogging...on a friday night. hmmm...the irony, the irony. yet, despite what one would typically think, i am enjoying this evening. is that crazy? maybe a little, however i think i can be deemed a little crazy...just a little. a little crazy never hurt anyone. do you ever feel like when you are seriously growing that your desires, feelings and needs change. i no longer have a desire for certain things anymore. in my opinion, that is one of the most significant signs of change...when you are able to recognize change in yourself. as 2010 winds down i can honestly say that i am not the same melody that i was this time last year. i have learned the art of forgiveness. the art of thankfulness. the art of love. now don't get confused i have NOT and i repeat NOT mastered any of them but i have definitely learned how to receive and give forgiveness, love and thanksgiving. furthermore, i am constantly making an effort to perfect these new skills i have learned. but its hard. its certainly a daily struggle. however, i believe that, what one does in the midst of a struggle defines ones true character. i would say i have pretty strong character.
greetings. today was a day that started off like any other day. then i looked at my bank account and got so blown. i seriously don't understand how my money goes so quickly. my budgeting skills are next to immaculate, i haven't gone shopping (for pleasure) in...i don't even know how long, my fridge looks more bare than a white girl on spring break, i have designated times i turn my heat on, i sensor how many lights are on in my crib...yet all of this and i still find my bills constantly rising. its so frustrating. i am seriously contemplating acquiring a second job for the weekends. b/c what is going on now...just isn't quite cutting it. don't get me wrong. i am not eating government cheese and Ramen noodles for dinner (however i do still enjoy the Beef flavor Ramen noodles). i just hate the adjustment. i mean, prior too this whole new life i never had to worry about certain things because i knew that for whatever reason i would be taken care of. now...post May 2010 everything is my responsibility. well. i guess that's all a part of it. it's gotten to a point where, now i don't even get a drink anymore with meals. i always rationalize by saying, "i don't need a drink. i can get water for free." this is sad.
so. i was very nervous to begin this process. yet, here i am. before we begin i just want do a little "house-keeping". a.) i HATE (most) punctuation. i just want to put it out there. i hate it & i'm not afraid to admit it. i see it as such a conformist concept. but its totally fine if you are a conformist, just be a aware. clearly, i'm not. in more ways than one. nevertheless, i sincerely enjoy writing. so if you are one of those people that are easily annoyed when you notice that there is a comma splice or a missing semi-colon or something a long those lines then this blog is not for you. b.) i love randomness. random jokes. random questions. random ideas. random thoughts. random road trips. random food. randomness. soooo now that we have that out of the way. i guess i should introduce myself and the objective of this blogging business. hmm...where should i begin. well i'm not going to bore you with all of my childhood past-times but for the record i did have an AMAZING childhood. like it totally rocked. fast-forwarding 20 something years later. all the introduction that is necessary is letting you know where i am now...which is in the middle of the beginning of my "transition". i know that sounded like it didn't make sense. but it did. i have recently graduated from Temple University. i have completed my course with a fine GPA, good health, no missing limbs, life long friends, maintained liver and an unforgettable college experience. yet, i am just now getting to a point in my life where i feel like i am really beginning to grow. however the transition between collegiate life and "adult life" has been every bit of scary, intimidating, unyielding, overwhelming, lonely, ambiguous and everything else in between. i have heard all this hoop-la about the wonders of blogging. sooo i figured i would explore the land. hello my friends.
