good evening. as i glanced at my calendar today i realized i have less than 1 day before i get to go home, after internalizing that wonderful thought, i instantly became excited. if you haven't noticed. i am over the moon about going home on friday!!! it is a much needed stress reliever. today was a frustrating day at work. yet, i got through it. and ironically after the work day had concluded i begin to think about how much i have been blessed. i was walking down broad street and a strong sense of thankfulness and peace came over me. it was so unreal. i knew it was God. i realized that even through my sulking and melancholy attitude i have sooo many things to be grateful for. after this "light bulb" moment, i developed a "thankful list". my "thankful list" consist of all of the wonderful things i have to be thankful for. such as; my parents, my job, my life, friends, family, health, mental stability, education, a wonderful church home, peace of mind, activities of my limbs and on and on and on. and whenever i have a "relapse" i can just pull out my "thankful list"to give me a visual reminder of just how good God has been. i figured that as i add to my list this will internally and externally turn my attitude and state of being around.
so, even though i am sitting in my house right now with NO HEAT (my stupid heat is broken)...and it is literally 2 BELOW outside right now...and i have on 10 layers of clothes (seriously)...i am still able to be thankful that i have a home. a home where i pay all the bills. a home that i come to everyday. my home....i'm not gonna lie i'm still a little pissed that i don't have any heat though. lol. everyday it seems to be a different struggle. a different trial. there are times where i honestly want to scream, "HOW DID I GET HERE. WHY AM I HERE?" but i know i serve a God that sits high & looks low and he has predestined everything in my life. i don't ever have to worry. or fret. i know God sees and hears my cries & i know he cares. it doesn't always feel that way. but i have faith that there will be better days.
being able to go home, surrounded by people that love and genuinely care about me, gives me that extra boost of life that i need. honestly this trip home i really don't want to go out or do anything...i just want to enjoy my friends, family and church. that's all. oh and of course eat good food. i'm tired of making up dishes and pots of spaghetti to get me through the week. aside from my mothers phenomenal cooking i want some Houston's, Peach Tree, Gates and all my other KC spots. In the words of Dorothy, "there is no place like home." couldn't have said it better.
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